A few weeks ago, I made this writing but wasn’t able to finish. If I had, I could probably be on my lowest state. I couldn’t think right and for each word I type, I only shed tears at the same time.
But now I am better. I knew it. My faith will never weaken. My God is bigger than any of my problems and difficulties and He will never leave me alone on this journey.
What had happened?
A few weeks ago, I have heard the worst news of my life. My little Gabriel needs to have a heart surgery. Why? (I didn’t ask this before. I am actually not questioning God for making this thing happen) Gabriel has this hole in his heart since he was a neonate. We have been monitoring it and I admit that I slipped for a year that I didn’t follow up with the doctor. Gabriel has been thriving, growing a healthy, fine, smart little young boy. He couldn’t have any problem. But 2015 is a change year that my husband and I have promised to live a healthier life and that I should do all the follow up on whoever needs follow up appointment. And so we had a routine echo done for Gabriel to examine how big is the hole and hopefully the hole is close. To our disgust, a surgery was the answer that we found.
I have poured buckets of tears upon knowing that he would have surgery. What kind of life would he have? Would this give him a normal life? How dangerous is the surgery? Its the heart. My goodness.
Being a worried mother, I couldn’t help but think the worst case scenarios that could happen. I could never live not having Gabriel around. He is my boy. my precious little boy. the messenger of the good news. my angel. my baby.
Despite the fact that I am scared of things that could possibly happen, I could feel in my heart that I am not scared. My heart is protected and I could feel that this would go right. God will always be with me and this time that I needed him for my child, I know He will never forsaken me. I know God will always be with me. This too shall pass and this I will survive. My boy will survive.
Today, we met up with the surgeon. An old, good looking gentleman, probably on his 70’s already. I could see from his gray hair that he have touched so many hearts already. His wrinkled face could tell the experiences that he had, could have been massive. He explained to us what was happening to Gabriel’s heart and that why we need the surgery. Prevention is better than cure. We don’t want any complications if his hole is not fixed. I left the room with a heart at peace.
I will always worry. Because I am a mother. But I know I will always have my God beside me. my faith in Him will never weaken. And there’s nothing that could happen to me that He will not be by my side.
Thank you my dear God. for you are so good and merciful.
Wandering Tales of Jolilei 
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