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decluttering my house and I found this poem from St Paul’s Chapel.

52 Week Challenge

Here we are again. The 52 week challenge. This is my third year trying to complete the 52 week challenge. I am hoping that on this third year I will be able to accomplish it with pride.

It’s been really a challenge. I thought it was easy but as months went by, I wasn’t able to fulfill the requirement of depositing money on the account.

The first year I bought a mini-bank with a lock. Told myself I will put the keys somewhere I will not see so I will not be able to open it. I think I even gave it to my mother. I decided to do a $50 dollar increment. It wasn’t a success. Money was tight. BY mid year, I asked for the key and used the money I saved for half the year.

Second year came and me and husband decided to do the challenge. We challenged ourselves more by buying a vase. It is open so we should be able to defer the temptation of getting the money since it is accessible. It was good at first. We did the reversed $50 increment. Money is great at the start of the year due to tax returns and less expenses due to winter season. We are bound to stay home and not go out. Again, midyear, we have to use the money for the bills and other expenses we eventually had.

So this is the third year. I used just an empty bottle from one of my snacks and decided I will just do a $25 weekly deposit. It wasn’t the increment type and the original way of doing the 52 weeks but I am still hoping that I would be able to finish the 52 weeks depositing twenty five dollars weekly. At the end of the year, I should be able to save $1300.

I have noticed on the last two years that I probably am being too hard on myself trying to produce a big amount of money each month to save and yet my salary wasn’t even that big. I guess I wasn’t realistic enough. At first 50 each week is easy but when the increments go up, that’s when it gets really hard to make more.

I still don’t know where I will use the money but I just wanted to be able to see if I am able to save such amount. I know I can save such amount. But I really wanted to instill discipline to myself. I am excited. So let’s see. I am hoping I could give you my best progress at the end of the year.

Changing Lanes

It’s been a while since I have been in this job. I have made friends, maybe got someone pissed but I know for sure I had a family here. But life brings a lot of change and people do change as well. It saddened me that I have to leave this place. The regrets I have is because I would miss the people I worked with every night. They are wonderful. They are the most amazing and absolutely caring people I have known.

Change. The only thing constant in this world. Maybe I just really needed that pushed over so that I could realize how much my worth is. I know in my heart that the new place would bring me a new hope. A better perspective on things. A lot of learning. A lot of challenges as well. But I know as well that those challenges that I will soon have, I know they will keep me growing. It will be hard but that is how life is. The fruit of this journey wouldn’t be as sweet if I don’t sweat to let it grow. I should embrace it.

Letting go is the only way to moving on. Not unless we forget to let go of the past things that we didn’t want to have happened to us, then we wouldn’t be able to move on. There is greater glory in everything.

Testing Faith amidst the biggest Storm

A few weeks ago, I made this writing but wasn’t able to finish. If I had, I could probably be on my lowest state. I couldn’t think right and for each word I type, I only shed tears at the same time.

But now I am better. I knew it. My faith will never weaken. My God is bigger than any of my problems and difficulties and He will never leave me alone on this journey.

What had happened?

A few weeks ago, I have heard the worst news of my life. My little Gabriel needs to have a heart surgery. Why? (I didn’t ask this before. I am actually not questioning God for making this thing happen) Gabriel has this hole in his heart since he was a neonate. We have been monitoring it and I admit that I slipped for a year that I didn’t follow up with the doctor. Gabriel has been thriving, growing a healthy, fine, smart little young boy. He couldn’t have any problem. But 2015 is  a change year that my husband and I have promised to live a healthier life and that I should do all the follow up on whoever needs follow up appointment. And so we had a routine echo done for Gabriel to examine how big is the hole and hopefully the hole is close. To our disgust, a surgery was the answer that we found.

I have poured buckets of tears upon knowing that he would have surgery. What kind of life would he have? Would this give him a normal life? How dangerous is the surgery? Its the heart. My goodness.

Being a worried mother, I couldn’t help but think the worst case scenarios that could happen. I could never live not having Gabriel around. He is my boy. my precious little boy. the messenger of the good news. my angel. my baby.

Despite the fact that I am scared of things that could possibly happen, I could feel in my heart that I am not scared. My heart is protected and I could feel that this would go right. God will always be with me and this time that I needed him for my child, I know He will never forsaken me. I know God will always be with me. This too shall pass and this I will survive. My boy will survive.

Today, we met up with the surgeon. An old, good looking gentleman, probably on his 70’s already. I could see from his gray hair that he have touched so many hearts already. His wrinkled face could tell the experiences that he had, could have been massive. He explained to us what was happening to Gabriel’s heart and that why we need the surgery. Prevention is better than cure. We don’t want any complications if his hole is not fixed. I left the room with a heart at peace.

I will always worry. Because I am a mother. But I know I will always have my God beside me. my faith in Him will never weaken. And there’s nothing that could happen to me that He will not be by my side.

Thank you my dear God. for you are so good and merciful.

My 10 tips on Breastfeeding

This post is in relation to my previous post regarding my saga with Gabriel. I am not an expert. I am just a regular mom. But for a year of breastfeeding, i have learned a lot and I have read a lot of informations on how to keep up with this journey.

Everyone knows it is the best thing for the baby. But not everyone have the same attitude about it. “Yes it could be done.” “No, I am too busy and too tired to still do it.” “That’s why there is formula”. Again it was not easy but its all worth it… When you’re falling into the trap of having low supply and the only thing you think is the solution to give formula, think again and assess yourself. How much can you give? How is breastfeeding for you? Have you given enough?

1. Set a GOAL. How long do you plan to exclusively breastfeed your infant? How much time are you willing to invest? Do you just want to do it for a month? For three months? For six months? A year? Or until he self weans? Your own timeline is your strongest power on how long you will go with the journey. Exclusive breastfeeding means no water, no formula, no vitamins, no other source of food, but only breast milk. Just saying I will breastfeed my child until I can will not guarantee you to achieve an optimum goal of exclusively breastfeeding your infant.

2. Ditch the formula. For every ounce of formula you give your child, for me it’s two ounces of breast milk that you missed to produce. Experts do say though that for every ounce of formula equals an ounce of breast milk that your body will not produce.  Be armed with knowledge on dangers of formula to your babies. As much as you’re scared to eat meat because of all the documentaries on how meat are being slaughtered/ processed, you will know how scary it is as well when you open your eyes and see how formulas are made of, how cows are cared for to produce abundant milk. Start early on giving your child the best nutrition.

3. Power pump. Hand expression is the best choice for extracting more milk other than a sucking baby. Pump every hour. Pump for 20 minutes, rest for ten until you reach an hour. Pump on one breast while your baby is feeding on the other breast. Pump prior to your baby’s feeding time. Pump after you feed your baby. Pump in the early morning. You might not collect 3 or more ounces each session but every time you get half an ounce for each time, by the end of the day, you could have collected more than 5 ounces.

4. Latch. latch. latch. Direct latching is always the best choice. The baby is the best stimulant. Breastfeeding is a law of supply and demand. The more you latch your baby, the more you signals the breast to produce milk. Same mechanism when you pump. The more you pump, the more you produce milk.

5. Relax yourself. Use warm shower. Pamper yourself for a visit at the salon. It doesn’t mean that because you’re breastfeeding, you need to look awful. Make yourself feel pretty. Don’t mind if you have taken all the different kind of galactogogues and yet you’re still having little output. It’s okay to feel down. It happens to everybody. But it doesn’t mean you have to put yourself down more. Do the mantra, “I have milk, I have lots of milk”. Whatever you produce is whatever your baby needs at the moment. Remember this picture in mind all the time..

6. Take your galactogogues and other supplements. It’s always nice to have something to make us feel comfortable. You can have all the malunggay leaves if you want, or the oats, or whatever kind of supplement that you feel like would increase your milk production if it makes you happy. It doesn’t hurt anyways. You can have lactation massage. Have sex with your husband. but always remember that latching the baby will be the best stimulant for the breast to produce milk. So when you eat your sinigang or take your malunggay capsules, still, have the baby latch. Latch the baby. Latch the baby.

7. Know the hunger cues. It doesn’t mean that if baby cries, baby is hungry. Maybe they just want to be cuddled. Maybe they just need the warmth of your comfort. Don’t be afraid to hold the baby. Do the skin to skin contact. Hold them close to your heart so they can hear the same heartbeat they have been hearing when they’re inside your womb.

8. Pray. Always, always pray for more milk, for more guidance, for more strength to be able to go through this journey. Offer yourself to the Lord as He will always, always grant the wishes of your heart. It doesn’t need to be a litany. It could be just a short prayer.

9. Find your support group. Your husband might not be the best person to say “let’s exclusively breastfeed the baby”. Remember he’s  also afraid just like you. Your mother nor mother in law, sisters, brothers and the rest of your relatives and neighbors are neither. Grandparents are excited Lola and Lolo, have waited for the baby to come out and they only wanted the best as well for the baby. It’s been yearrssss since they cared for their own baby. And time had changed. They probably forgot how they dealt with the pain of breastfeeding or why they stop breastfeeding. It’s good to expect support from them because they are the one who help us care for the baby. But don’t be mad if they would offer other alternatives. Instead, teach them. Give them all the information that you have read anywhere that convince you that breastfeeding is the best for the baby.

10. Join Breastfeeding Pinay in Facebook. This group in Facebook is one of the most helpful group I have joined. They will support you all the way through. They will guide you to the right path. They will direct you on what you need. They are the best.

Again, its okay to feel down. But there are ways to come UP. Have an enjoyable journey with breastfeeding. 🙂

My Breastfeeding Saga with Gabriel

August is the breastfeeding awareness month. We celebrate every mother who have decided to breastfeed their children. And I wanted to join the fun and excitement of being a proud mom who have breastfed their children.

As a nurse, I have a little knowledge with breastfeeding. It has been taught in my nursing school. Only it was not taught in depth. Or maybe I just forgot. As far as I know, breast milk will protect a baby’s immunity to all kind of diseases. Until when? That’s a question I would say I really don’t understand. I think until the baby’s six months of age. But actually, it is forever. Thanks to Breastfeeding Pinay forum in Facebook because I am armed with knowledge about breastfeeding and all the yeses and noes.

Why did I decide to breastfeed Gabriel? 

I knew already that breast milk will protect and strengthen my baby’s immunity. It is very important as there are so many kind of illnesses going around. But the deciding factor that really helped me to push my limits on breastfeeding was the fact that it was economical. It will save me a lot of money. Oh yes! Many could raise their eyebrows and say that I am so “kuripot” or “tinitipid mo ng husto ang anak mo” but who cares? My husband was not around that time. I am a “single” working mother, yes earning, trying to make ends meet of paying the household and raising a little baby. I need to save as much as I could and if I could save on milk then I will try my best to produce abundant milk for my kid. A 12oz of Enfamil would cost me at least $20.00. And how long would it last? Maybe a day or half a day even.. It will still depend on if you like something “extra” for these powdered milk. For a year, it would total to at least $7300.00 for a milk alone. Then I have to pay for diapers too. And if baby gets sick, for another hospital bills and all the complications of me giving formula to the baby. Oh I could travel for that money or buy new clothes for my baby.

Formula is not that bad… 

If I wasn’t a member of Breastfeeding Pinay, I won’t really realize how bad formula could be. I was a formula fed baby too. But I was okay. I am alive now. I am not sick at all. Mother said I was only breastfed for three months because she has to go to work after that. My mother was formula fed. A lot of people were formula fed and they’re still alive. But admit it or not, breast milk will always be the best. Breast milk will always be superior and cannot be compared to formula milk. We are humans and our babies need to be fed with human milk. So as cows feeding their calves. Here is an article saying how bad can formula be..

Click to access RisksofFormulaFeeding.pdf

Breast milk gives our babies the immunity they needed after coming out to this world. Formula destroys their guts.

Your boobs are going to get saggy… 

My breasts are not made for my husband. My breasts are made to nurture an infant. So what if I got they loose its firmness after months or years of breastfeeding? I am a mom. I am not a model in the ramp. Also, there is a thing called as “bra”, it holds your breasts up when you needed them to be up.

So was it easy? 

 

Breastfeeding was never easy. Breastfeeding ask for dedication. Perseverance. Sacrifice. I am very happy that Gabriel had his first latch after I gave birth. It seemed like he knew that he would need to suck my breast and something would come out. But still it was a hard work. I wasn’t familiar with what I was doing, nor does he is with the outside world. He don’t have teeth but it hurts like hell and no matter how long he sucked, it seemed like he was still hungry. He kept crying. My mother even pressed my breasts and said “you have no milk, let’s give him formula. he is very hungry”. Being a new mom, I was scared that I was not giving the best for my baby and I was making him cry in hunger. It was the third day that I said yes to formula as I was still tired from the birth and for the last three nights of watching him sleep and trying to breastfeed him. “I have milk. I have milk”. What the mind thinks, the body will follow. “I have a lot of milk. My baby will not have formula”. I always tell myself those words. After that first 3oz of formula, Gabriel stopped from crying and I felt crushing. It was not supposed to happen. The formula feeding didn’t stop there because when my cousin came over and visit, Gabriel started crying and I don’t know how to breastfeed in front of my cousin. I didn’t want to excuse myself as she made her way up here to come and see the baby. So here’s for another three ounces again.

I really have to be firm. If I don’t want him to be fed by formula, then I push myself a little bit more… to produce more milk and to be not ashamed if my breast gets expose as I feed the baby. There are ways. There are so many ways. And before I should give up, I should think first and ask myself if I really tried hard enough.

I tell you, I really thank Breastfeeding Pinay and of course my N@wie family. N@w was the one who introduced me to BP. They were both my source of comfort, my biggest supporters on my breastfeeding journey. Their words of encouragement have kept me from producing more milk. I also thank my Nanay that though she first doubted how much milk I can produce, she had still supported me all the way through the end for my decision to only breastfeed Gabriel.

I set a goal for me and Gabriel that I would exclusively breastfeed him until he was six months of age. Exclusive breastfeeding means no water, no formula, no vitamins but only my breast milk alone. And I did it! Then I told myself, I will continue until he was one year of age. And until I can, until I have milk.

How did I do it? 

Six weeks after my maternity leave, I went back to work. I was a home health nurse. I drive to people’s houses and deliver them care. My office, my work station is my car. Once a week, I worked nights at the hospital. On Gabriel’s third week of birth, I started pumping for milk. It is not recommended not until six weeks after birth to pump early as the body’s production was not well regulated. There were many ups and downs.

There’s a thing called colostrum. It’s a yellowish form of milk that protects the infant from diseases. It delivers nutrients to the immature digestive system of the infants. And at the first three days, it could be what our infant needed only.

I had chapped nipples. There is medela nipple cream to help with the chapped nipple. But actually, it only means that the latch was wrong and it needs to be corrected. The baby needs to suck the whole areola. I don’t know how to describe it very well but that’s how it should be.

I had plugged/clogged ducts. This is one of the reason why we are not suppose to pump earlier than six weeks. The tendency to have plugged ducts was more as our breasts tend to produce more milk, thus overproduction of milk needed by our babies. Mother said use a comb and brush the area where it is plugged. I did. I used warm shower as well. I used ice and brushed it off the area. I had him sucked more on the tendered breast and boy it hurts a lot more. I can’t remember how many times I felt my breasts are going to explode because of so much milk that doesn’t come out.

I doubted myself that I could produce enough milk. I had those moments. I thought my milk will not be enough. I was tired. I am working and I still have to attend to him after work. But I knew that the more I doubt myself, the less milk I will be able to produce. I need to relax. I need to think of happy thoughts.

When I started working, I would stop and park on one of the streets every 3-4hrs. I brought my own water bottle to wash my hands before and after pumping. I had with me cleansing supplies for the pump. It was hard as I was only using a single pump. It would take me 15-30minutes to finish both breasts. And because of that, I don’t finish early to come home early as well. I have learned how to pump and drive in the long run. It was a lot better when I got my double breast pump as it was handsfree and I would drive carefully while I pump. I was able to pump at least every 2-4hrs. There were days I forgot my pump kit or it was a busy day and I have no chance at all to pump though I have a handsfree kit. I would go home with tender breasts and no supply. When I work at the hospital, I try to stop working at least every 4hrs to pump. I need to bring home at least 16oz of milk from 14hrs of working. Gabriel’s demand increases through time and though I had followed the 1oz/hr rule, I still make sure I would leave at least 2oz of extra milk just in case I don’t get home on time. When he was reaching his one year of age, my supply was depleting. I didn’t have any more stack of frozen milk. I would only have 1-2 7oz of breast milk stored and that would only be good for a day I will be gone. I did power pumping. I pumped literally every hour at work. I really have to put effort on my pumping when I’m away no matter how busy I could be. And I would produce maybe half ounce to an ounce each time and that depresses me. And it doesn’t help so I again repeated the mantra “I have lots of milk. I will produce lots of milk”. I took fenugreek capsules. I drank Mother’s Milk tea. I bought life oil medicines. I ate anything made of moringa leaves. I ate soupy food. I ate soup on hot weather in the middle of the afternoon. And I was able to survive it. I am proud I was able to breastfeed Gabriel for more than a year now.

I have seen it benefits. Breastfeed babies do get sick. Every time Gabriel would get his shot, he would get a fever. We would “unli-latch”, meaning Gabriel has my breast for a whole day and night until fever is gone. I’m thankful that the fever would only last for a day. He had rashes one time and it took many days for the rashes with the fever, but I had never seen him very sad. He has always been a very happy and active baby. He grew up according to American standards. He is a very strong kid. He could hold himself up in less than a month. He was able to sit unsupported at five months. He was walking alongside his crib at seven months. By 11months, he was walking around alone already. The bond we have made I know is unbreakable. He may always call me “dede”. It’s okay because I will never forget those days I came home from work and I would see stars twinkling on his eyes on the sight of me. And I owe it to breastfeeding. I know in my heart that I had given him the best protection I can give because I breastfeed him. And I would do it again to other babies we would have. And I would never be ashamed I breastfeed my child, even if I have to do it in public. Yes I did it at the church already. I would never be afraid to have saggy boobs. Nor to have tender breasts again.

 

I wish to inspire other moms. I wish to help other moms out there who are hesitant of what they can produce for their babies. I don’t want to be just an advocate nurse. I want to be an advocate in breastfeeding. And I would encourage all my friends and family to take the same journey I had because it is very fulfilling. Breast is best. And it will only be the only best thing our babies can ever have.

Beautiful and Meaningful Cards

I have always kept different cards I received from different people: families, friends and acquaintances. I have always felt the need to keep them. But like what everyone else says, MOVE ON! But the messages are too strong that I wanted to remember them forever.

Yesterday, I saw the cards we received from the bridal shower and our wedding. And as much as I wanted to keep them, I know as well that I have to let go. So I thought of just putting them on the blog. And I don’t have them physically but at least I have the thoughts of them..

* BE happy, Be loving, Be true to each other. Be Best friends forever —> Mia Algarra

* IT’s easy to get excited about two amazing people marrying each other… easy to celebrate a love that has the kind of energy that makes everyone around happy —> John and Meriam

* Taking the plunge? Something for you both as you dive into a new life together. —> Ate Jo

* Marriage is made up of so many things… It’s more than just roses and romance and rings. It’s a promise of lasting devotion that starts with a deep understanding of each other’s hearts. It’s a longing to share and unselfishly give all you have with each other each day that you live. It’s caring, accepting, remembering, too, all the beautiful reasons you’re saying “I do”. Celebrating the promise that brings you together today and the love that will carry you through a lifetime of beautiful tomorrows. —> Olena

* Hope that your love keeps growing everyday throughout a lifetime of happiness —> Teri

* Your wedding is one of those magical dreams… Ut’s the beginning of a new life together, a time of love, hopes and dreams… —> Carabeo Family

* Wishing you love and laughter today, tomorrow and everyday thereafter.–> Pangilinan Family

* Some thoughts about Marriage: They say married people live longer and for lots of good reasons- like the fun of sharing life and laughter with your bestfriend- the peace of feeling accepted and understood by someone who means the world to you- the comfort of being able to rely on each other for anything… and the deep joy of knowing you’re the love of each other’s lives, and always will be. —> Guttierez family

* As the two of you share all the joys of marriage, may the glow of romance always be a part. —> Ninong and ninang Nar Villarosa

* A day bright with friendship and fun- plans for the future and dreams coming true—> Lynda and Brent

* Plans made for two, dreams coming true, friendship that grows and endures… beautiful bride, one handsome groom, may a lifetime of blessings be yours—> Tita Blanca family

* Wishing you warmth to give one another and the strength that comes from being one… Wishing you peace and friendship for each other and contentment when each day is done… Wishing you faith to last through storm and thunder and hope for all that you are dreaming of.. Wishing you both a life that’s full of wonder, but most of all, wishing you love.—> Muniz family

* How to make a beautiful life together? Reflections on marriage for the Bride and Groom.

– Let love be your shelter. The world is noisy and confusing at times, so make a home that is have, a peaceful place where you can listen to your hearts and savor the comfortable closeness you share.

– No matter how busy your days may be, make time for yourselves. Hold hands. Unwind. Surprise each other. Find little chances everyday to show you’re grateful to be partners, to be friends, to be married.

– Life is not perfect. You will make mistakes but each time you meet life’s challenges together, you will grow wise, stronger and surer of your love.

– Cherish your yesterdays. They are irreplaceable souvenirs of your journey through life. Make memories that will bring smiles and sighs whenever you look back. (Look back often!)

-Look forward, too. Dream together. Plan together. make promises to keep. believe in your tomorrows, because tomorrows are what forever is made of.

– To make love last, put each other first. That is the way to make a beautiful life together, the kind of life you both deserve so much.

—> Arnold and Mitchie Aquino

* Faith, Hope, Love… they are three treasures.. more priceless than diamonds. Faith is to believe what your eyes cannot see. Hope is to look forward to new joys in life. Love transforms the most commonplace into beauty, kindness, goodness and grace. Faith, hope and love will carry you through.—> Martin Family

We will always treasure these memories with them…

 

My Birthing Story- Induction of Labor at 38th Weeks

January 28, 2013; Monday

Everything was ready. I have my two bags of belongings with me. All I needed was a phone call from the hospital telling I could come for the night. I know I was ready. My family was ready as well. Ate Aiza was here too. Anytime, I will see my little Gabriel. Oh I am very excited..

We arrived at the hospital around eight o’clock at night. Dr. Kuppuswami was there and discussed to me what will happen and what to be expected. My cervix was still close. My tummy was still up in the air. My baby was still snugged. I think he really didn’t want to come out.

I was started with a Cervidil. Cervidil is a vaginal insert used to start the ripening of the cervix. For some reason, it was burning. I told the nurse that I was having a burning sensation and it was very uncomfortable. She told me it was really uncomfortable at first and shrugged off my idea of burning. I know I was not being a difficult patient. There was something wrong. The night seemed so long I didn’t get any sleep. They told me they would remove the insert at 5am and I was very glad when 5am came.

January 29, 2013; Tuesday

The doctor came around seven and asked how I was doing. She did an internal examination (IE) and told me I was at the same position I was when I came. The cervidil didn’t touch me. She wanted to try another one but I refused. I told her the burning sensation and she told me it was not supposed to be like that. I knew there was something wrong.

We then proceeded to low-dose Oxytocin drip for the day. It was a long day. I didn’t do anything except talk to my husband over the phone and update him of what was going on. When the doctor came in the afternoon, she told me I was at 2cm dilated. I need to be at 10cm dilation and 100% effaced. We stopped the drip at 5pm and doctor told me to rest, wash myself if I would like and we would resume at 10pm.

I never thought it would take this long. I was not sure how many times I asked Gabriel to go down and how many saints have I called to help me with this journey. I thought that it would be quick and easy.

At ten pm, we resumed the drip, increasing additional 5cc to fasten the process. I tried to sleep as much as I could. My contractions are getting regular but not painful enough for my screams.

January 30, 2013; Wednesday 

Dr. Kuppuswami came around in the morning and IE’d me. The baby was still high but my risk are getting riskier as I stay getting induced. I need to give birth. She decided to break my bag of water to help with the process. And oh, there was a gush of water. I felt like I have a fountain in me. We had to change pads many times. I remember them putting a foley catheter in me. I didn’t want to but I guess I have no choice. The doctor said I have polyhydramnios. Another diagnosis added to the list. Polyhydramnios- too much amniotic fluid. I now have risk of getting diabetes. Oh well. I love sweets. The doctor encouraged me to have my epidural at this time instead of waiting for the 7cm. She even said “it’s not worth it”. And I was glad I listened to her.

Another Indian doctor came, Dr. Patel and did my epidural around 11o’clock. I felt my lower legs getting numb. They told me to just rest so I just slept my afternoon through. I woke up feeling my contractions at four. The nurse came in and encouraged me to give myself another shot of the epidural as she thought it wouldn’t be anytime soon yet. So I gave a shot, then the doctor came. After my IE, she told me start pushing. I was going to give birth.

Epidural injection is a really nice invention to reduce pain. I didn’t experience the uncomfortable positions, nor the pain that you had to walk through. I probably would be very tired if I was having those pains already and yet no baby was coming out. But when it’s time to push, I say, I don’t want any epidural. It’s so hard to push when you’re on the peak of contractions. My mom and sister were both holding y legs. They didn’t encourage the use of stirrups. We were looking at the monitor and checking if it’s time for me to push as I don’t feel anything on my tummy. So push, push and push!

Dear good Karen came to rescue. Two hours of pushing and nothing. It was already 730pm. Nanay said she can see the baby hair already but baby doesn’t want to come out. Doctor K came again and checked baby’s position. My epidural was wearing out as well. She said no more shots. She said as well baby was on his back that’s why he was not coming out. Oh my Gabriel! What have you been doing? She asked me to turn on my left side so the baby would make his turn as well. Nanay was very scared already that I might end up having a caesarean section because of this. I was very glad that my doctors have been pro-normal delivery and we have talked about trying our best to stay and have a normal vaginal delivery. Dr. K said she would manually rotate the baby if in case he doesn’t turn on his own. I believe on her. I trust her with all my life and I know she will never do anything to harm me. Thirty minutes.

And it passed. And thank God he turned. I had to start pushing again. Push harder and stronger. Doctor K told me she would have to do a vacuum delivery, telling me I was very tired already of pushing. I really don’t have anymore energy. I have been pushing for the last three hours already. I just want him out. I was very tired. When the baby was almost out, Doctor K told me she needed to do an episiotomy. She called Dr. Patel again to do another local injection. Dr. K said she needed to do a vacuum delivery as the baby’s shoulders are too big. And yes my mind was still intact despite the pain. I knew I had to decide on what to be done so I had a little less than a foot of episiotomy and a vacuum vaginal delivery. A little bit more and I heard my baby gave his first cry. So on January 30, 2013 at 0823pm, my baby Gabriel was born. And according to his dad, I had 823pushes…

 

 

My Birthing Story- 37th Weeks of Pregnancy

The 37th weeks of pregnancy came very quickly. The last week was spent at home checking blood pressure almost all day. I went back to the doctor again with the list of my blood pressure readings. Of course, these numbers were just confirmation of the problem. I was diagnosed as a high risk pregnant woman at age 28 because of this eclampsia.

My doctor told me they couldn’t wait any longer for me to give birth. Waiting is just very risky and aside from that, I am doing nothing anyways so why wait for the baby to decide to pop out. My tummy was still high. I have no signs that my baby was planning to go out of this world yet. I would have those mild contractions every so often but they were not enough to be called as true contractions.

I requested the doctor to give me another week to fix everything, to have my family ready for this unexpected turn of events. I know my mom would be so anxious and very scared because of this “complication”on my pregnancy. I needed someone to support her better than to support me. I wished my husband was here but I couldn’t dwell on wishing for my husband to be by my side as it was not possible. I called my good friends to be with my mom just in case it was my turn to be induced already. I called my sister from Virginia to come over and help us for some time. Im very glad she said yes.

Im very glad my doctor gave me until the 38th week. She wanted me to come on a weekend. I was very glad that I was pushed to a Monday as the hospital was too busy during the weekend because of the full moon.

My Birthing Story- 36th weeks of Pregnancy

Another day at the doctor’s office. I went early in the morning so I won’t be with other preggo mommies who’s trying to catch up with the doctor. and also I still have to work after this.
Oh I tell you. Walking from the parking lot to the second floor of the hospital is no fun. I used the elevator by the way and still, I am short of breathe.

I spent a good 5-10minutes maybe before they called me in. The nurse started doing my vital signs, checking my blood pressure and heart rate. Poor nurse. She should have just used an electric monitor on me. She gave me a pressure of 110/80. I know it was wrong because I was looking at the manual monitor and big hand clicked on the 140’s. As soon as she left, I grabbed the cuff myself and checked my own blood pressure. And the doctor came in as I was putting the cuff back.

Oh I love you Dr. Kuppuswami. You are the best doctor I have ever met.
I didn’t think she would mind what I did but she asked me if I was thinking if there was a problem with my pressure. And I said. It seems like. I thought I was just tired from walking. She said the pressure was okay when the nurse checked it but she grabbed the cuff again and checked me on my right arm. The look on her face wasn’t very good so she did it again on the left arm. And she said it was elevated. She immediately lift my pants up checking for the swelling on my legs. And I never thought I had 3+ edema. She asked how long the swelling had been and i couldn’t tell. I really didn’t pay attention about the swelling on the leg as everyone says it is normal. Well, it is NOT normal.

She told me I cannot go back to work anymore. That I have to be admitted to be monitored AGAIN! And YES. I do have Pre- Eclampsia. A little me have pre-eclampsia. a high blood pressure. I just couldn’t believe it.

They collected 24hr urine on me to make sure that I do have proteinuria. Of course, it turned out positive as well. They also consulted Dr. McKenna, the oncologist because my hemoglobin is too low and my other lab results are off the hook. I’ve realized my mistake of not following the doctor when she told me to take all my pregnancy vitamins. I was wrong that I believed everything will be alright because in the olden days, there were no vitamins, and our folks survived by eating a decent meal.

I got discharged the next day but I was in bedrest at home. I did Vitamin B12 shots everyday as I need to build up some red blood cells. I took three doses of iron a day and Oh boy, I am constipated. Everything was not easy. I feel more the shortness of breathe. I walk from my bed to the bathroom, which is by the way contraindicated, and I was tired after just peeing. It took me hours to get dress. Everything was a job. From waking up in the morning, getting ready for breakfast, eating, and going back to bed. I sleep with pillows on top of pillows. There were no comfortable spot. And I have to continually check my blood pressure. And no matter what I do, they never go down below systolic of 120.

I prayed hard that my baby would keep himself inside of me. He needs to go to term. I am not ready yet. He needs to be at least on his 38th weeks.